so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
These tits shall not be calmed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
