Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
