erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
