Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
