fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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