did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
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She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Watching her eat just hurts me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
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My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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