i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
