dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
