John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think people are normalizing furries
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
