well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize