Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
