She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
