Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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