why do cheetos always look like penises
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
