Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Let's get the cat blown out
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize