I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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