oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
