Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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