i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
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I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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