Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
high people should be assigned attendants
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I smell like Dick and happiness
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
