Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
