i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
