"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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