You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
where are my eyebrows?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
