did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Welp...herpes.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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