Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
