walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
