just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
