the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
