Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
