Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
