Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
