Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
BRING THE BAGELS
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
