Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
