They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
