We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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