the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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