There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
