So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
