Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
