if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
