sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
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It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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