he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
