You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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