they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
