Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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