elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
