need another drink. this is the easiest way
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
