I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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