totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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