3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
