DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
