I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
