Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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