i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
