so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
