please come you make the beer taste better
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
