I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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