I wish they made helmets for livers.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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