Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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