I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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