Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
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He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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