she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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