we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
