my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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