She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
