half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
