it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
